I've been super bad about keeping up with my blog lately...just preparing everyone for the drought that's about to ensue I supppose... HAHA. After tomorrow I really don't know when I will have the chance to post to my blog again. Life as I know it is about to change...in an exhausting but VERY GOOD way!
Just to recap in a nutshell ( in case your just joining me)... Not supposed to be able to get pregnant without In-Vitro, was just about to give up on adding to our family....and WALA!!!! Here I am at 38 weeks 6 days, still not quite believing that I will be welcoming a little girl to our family in the next 24-48 hours.
It was explained to me a few weeks back that they would be inducing me at 39 weeks because they don't like to let gestational diabetics go to full term.
So the plan is to wake at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, call the hospital and make sure that there is a bed available for me. Assuming there is, we are to arrive btwn 6:00-6:30 a.m. to get into one of those fabulous hospital, butt-baring gowns. Next the real fun begins - men and/or squeemish folks stop reading here if you can't handle intimate details. They will then begin the process of softening my cervix so baby can fit through - really looking forward to this part. There are 3 ways to do this and it depends on the doc on call which one they choose to use. I will be voting for the least painful...as soon as I ask which one that is. I've been informed that just because they begin this process tomorrow does not necessarily mean I will deliver tomorrow - could take a day or two..YUCK! On Monday I was dilated to 3 centimeters so hopefully my body cooperates and moves things along without too much "nudging". They've already estimated her weight at at least 9 lbs. Evan was a lot smaller and that was a struggle...not looking forward to pushing this little chunkster out.
Bags are packed, nursery's ready, baby clothes are washed, diapers, wipes, lotions and potions are all in order and I still don't think I've grasped that a real baby is coming home with me in a few days. Florida has been good to us so far...from being the "lucky" location where we conceived to providing a great support group of awesome friends and neighbors in such a short time.
I'm feeling pretty blessed, excited, anxious and just all around emotional about what's about to happen.
Evan is excited and already has some presents he wants to give to his little sister...so cute!!!
Chuck has worked his butt off to finish up his grad school class early and be able to just focus on family for a week or two.
Mother in law has been here cooking and cleaning so I can come home to a clean house and some comfort food.
My parents are to come in tomorrow to do more of the same and help out in whatever way I need help .
I am pretty lucky and living a pretty great life right now that I probably don't appreciate enough.
Wish me luck that all goes well with the delivery of our true little miracle.
I will post pictures sometime soon.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Feeling Loved and Very Blessed
So when you move somewhere new at 5 months pregnant with your 2nd child, you really don't expect that you will be given a baby shower. But I'm a lucky girl.
I'm so appreciative of my family. I'm living only a couple of hours away from my mom's family after not living anywhere near them for about the last 20 years. My awesome cousin , Lisa , whom I haven't really spent much time with since we were in junior high or so, threw me a baby shower this past weekend in Mississippi. My sister, niece and sister's good friend all flew in for the occasion. Then we even had a surprise guest...Cindy, my sister's bff ! Not even my sister knew she was going to fly in for this. My mother-in-law drove 7 hours one day and 7 hours back home the next to be there; what a haul!
Later that night after Chuck grilled brats and burgers for all, a bunch of us including my younger bro and his wife, gathered around a bonfire, pulled the truck up close for some great tunes and just basically whooped it up the way a bunch of rednecks do in the south around a bonfire!!! Some of us obviously whooped it up slightly less than others, not being able to partake in some of the traditional bonfire beverages. But I have to say I rocked out with the best of them as late as I could possibly keep my eyes open and had more fun than I've had in a long time! Even the kiddos had a blast running around, doing flips out in the huge backyard, dancing, playing with bubbles, etc... It was good times for all included!
I just can't express what a wonderful weekend it was. I was surrounded by family and friends that are so excited for us. There were lots of laughs and good times to remember...kind of like a mini family reunion! The weekend was a really joyous occasion and it exceeded any expectations I had.
I got so many nice things for our baby girl...definitely off to a great start with this child's wardrobe!!! :)
Thanks so much to all of you who were part of this special weekend !!!
Love you all !
I'm so appreciative of my family. I'm living only a couple of hours away from my mom's family after not living anywhere near them for about the last 20 years. My awesome cousin , Lisa , whom I haven't really spent much time with since we were in junior high or so, threw me a baby shower this past weekend in Mississippi. My sister, niece and sister's good friend all flew in for the occasion. Then we even had a surprise guest...Cindy, my sister's bff ! Not even my sister knew she was going to fly in for this. My mother-in-law drove 7 hours one day and 7 hours back home the next to be there; what a haul!
Later that night after Chuck grilled brats and burgers for all, a bunch of us including my younger bro and his wife, gathered around a bonfire, pulled the truck up close for some great tunes and just basically whooped it up the way a bunch of rednecks do in the south around a bonfire!!! Some of us obviously whooped it up slightly less than others, not being able to partake in some of the traditional bonfire beverages. But I have to say I rocked out with the best of them as late as I could possibly keep my eyes open and had more fun than I've had in a long time! Even the kiddos had a blast running around, doing flips out in the huge backyard, dancing, playing with bubbles, etc... It was good times for all included!
I just can't express what a wonderful weekend it was. I was surrounded by family and friends that are so excited for us. There were lots of laughs and good times to remember...kind of like a mini family reunion! The weekend was a really joyous occasion and it exceeded any expectations I had.
I got so many nice things for our baby girl...definitely off to a great start with this child's wardrobe!!! :)
Thanks so much to all of you who were part of this special weekend !!!
Love you all !
Monday, September 20, 2010
Feeling Brave !
OK - So I just have to completely brag and toot my own horn and say how awesome I just was because of what I just did.
After 5 rounds of IVF and 100's of shots over the years ( that I could never administer myself ) I just gave myself an intramuscular shot in the thigh with a 1.5 inch 20 gauge needle that burned like a son of a biotch and bled afterwards...but I DID IT!!!!!
How did this happen? Well if you read my last posting I was to start the infamous "bitch juice" last Monday to be repeated weekly. Chuck was able to give me the first shot right before he left town for a couple weeks. Then this afternoon I was supposed to get my mother-in-law to give me the second shot before she left town, after visiting for a few days..."supposed to". So she pulled out of the driveway - I layed down with Evan for naptime and shot out of bed about an hour later realizing that I now have to figure out how to get this gigantic needle into my body before today is over.
Well, to go off on a little side note I was acually put on insulin last week to control the gestational diabetes. Apparently, unless I'm on the Atkins diet my sugars are going to be too high for the doctors' comfort level. They started me out on a tiny amount once a day. If this doesn't work after a week I will be adding another kind and doing it several times a day. I decided that if I was going to be taking insulin and progesterone for the remainder of this pregnancy it's time for this chic to toughen up and learn how to give myself shots. From the first night of insulin I did it myself. It's a small needle delivered subcutaneously ( fat layer) and a good way to warm up for the real deal!!!
I have had such a fear of doing this ...I just can't tell you. I can't even watch the phlebotomist draw my blood ( which is constant during IVF) ...I always have to look away.
Back to this afternoon:
So I get on YouTube, resourceful as I am, and watch a couple of chics give themselves intramuscular shots. If they can do it I can do it...right? I look up the sites on your body where you can give an IM shot and pick the top of my thigh. I ice it with frozen blueberries for 5 minutes and together with the girl on YouTube I go through the rest of the steps, promising myself that when she jabs I will jab. They say if you hesitate even once you can psych yourself out and maybe never do it.
We did it TOGETHER !!! HAHAHA
I wonder if this girl knows how useful her video is to wimpy shot givers such as myself?
So I'm feeling pretty cool right now that I can give myself shots and not cry or pass out or anything of that nature.
OH - and for the record I think taking Progesterone when you're pregnant may actually enhance your moods rather than bringing out your inner evil like it has during previous IVF rounds.
I've actually felt lighter and in a not so preggers mood since starting the progesterone.
In any case hopefully it will do it's job and keep me from delivering early.
Still hanging in there at 27 weeks - Woo-Hoo!!!
Go Baby Girl Go !!!
After 5 rounds of IVF and 100's of shots over the years ( that I could never administer myself ) I just gave myself an intramuscular shot in the thigh with a 1.5 inch 20 gauge needle that burned like a son of a biotch and bled afterwards...but I DID IT!!!!!
How did this happen? Well if you read my last posting I was to start the infamous "bitch juice" last Monday to be repeated weekly. Chuck was able to give me the first shot right before he left town for a couple weeks. Then this afternoon I was supposed to get my mother-in-law to give me the second shot before she left town, after visiting for a few days..."supposed to". So she pulled out of the driveway - I layed down with Evan for naptime and shot out of bed about an hour later realizing that I now have to figure out how to get this gigantic needle into my body before today is over.
Well, to go off on a little side note I was acually put on insulin last week to control the gestational diabetes. Apparently, unless I'm on the Atkins diet my sugars are going to be too high for the doctors' comfort level. They started me out on a tiny amount once a day. If this doesn't work after a week I will be adding another kind and doing it several times a day. I decided that if I was going to be taking insulin and progesterone for the remainder of this pregnancy it's time for this chic to toughen up and learn how to give myself shots. From the first night of insulin I did it myself. It's a small needle delivered subcutaneously ( fat layer) and a good way to warm up for the real deal!!!
I have had such a fear of doing this ...I just can't tell you. I can't even watch the phlebotomist draw my blood ( which is constant during IVF) ...I always have to look away.
Back to this afternoon:
So I get on YouTube, resourceful as I am, and watch a couple of chics give themselves intramuscular shots. If they can do it I can do it...right? I look up the sites on your body where you can give an IM shot and pick the top of my thigh. I ice it with frozen blueberries for 5 minutes and together with the girl on YouTube I go through the rest of the steps, promising myself that when she jabs I will jab. They say if you hesitate even once you can psych yourself out and maybe never do it.
We did it TOGETHER !!! HAHAHA
I wonder if this girl knows how useful her video is to wimpy shot givers such as myself?
So I'm feeling pretty cool right now that I can give myself shots and not cry or pass out or anything of that nature.
OH - and for the record I think taking Progesterone when you're pregnant may actually enhance your moods rather than bringing out your inner evil like it has during previous IVF rounds.
I've actually felt lighter and in a not so preggers mood since starting the progesterone.
In any case hopefully it will do it's job and keep me from delivering early.
Still hanging in there at 27 weeks - Woo-Hoo!!!
Go Baby Girl Go !!!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Too Much Sugar !!!
So I don't know how I thought I was planning to avoid it after all the pasta, cookies, cake ice cream and crap in general that I was eating. The entire first trimester of this pregnancy was dictated by one wave of nausea after another, followed by super unhealthy cravings for all that is bad for you, with a total weight gain ringing in at a whopping 24lbs!!!
I had been feeling really terrible, with lots of headaches and grouchiness. So 2 weeks ago my doctor ordered a series of tests appropriate for this point in my pregnancy. I just knew it was my thyroid and that my thyroid meds would need to be increased. But the results came back that I have Gestational Diabetes...YUCK!!!
The initial plan was to make an effort to control it with diet for a week and check back in to see how it was going. I immediately threw away the chocolate cake, stopped having my afternoon bowl of ramen noodles, went shopping for low carb groceries and had to really adjust this whole carb craving thing that's been going on. The last thing I want is to be put on yet another medication. Just in time Chuck got his fab new grill and we've been doing lots of grilled meats, salads and veggies followed by sugar free desserts for me.
Well, I've been able to control just about every daily blood sugar reading except for the fasting blood sugar taken first thing in the morning when you wake up. The doctor decided that I should go on a pill to help with the high morning sugars, but then realized that I am allergic to something in that medication...always something of course. So I've been given another week, which ends tomorrow, to control my sugar levels better or be put on insulin shots...UGHHHHH.
But it gets worse. After having my Ultrasound last week with the high risk perinatologist, he prescribed me Progesterone shots. I guess this is to help old chics like me not deliver too early. I have taken progesterone before, every time I've done In-Vitro and I'm here to tell you that it is not my friend.
It is so terrible in fact that Chuck affectionately dubbbed it "Bitch Juice".
If you already feel hormonal and nutty simply being pregnant, just try a little dose of this poison... This has got to be the most evil venom you can put in your body... back it up Medusa. It makes you a complete whack job, have night sweats that soak your sheets and helps make me more of an insomniac than I already am - I will be starting those injections as soon as they are delivered - really looking forward to it - let the good times roll!!! ;-)
OK - so after all of this whah, whah, whah about my multiple afflictions I do have a list of positives.
1. Since changing my diet
a. I feel awesome and have actually lost 6 pounds!
b. My complexion is great - and I don't look puffed up and gray anymore!
2. I am lucky to have medical care that spots these things and gets me help for them
right away.
3. I am super fortunate to have parents and in-laws that have helped us a ton with this
move.
4. I am thrilled that Evan got into the most sought after preschool in the area, with a
waiting list a mile long, and his days are filled with awesome teachers and friends
instead of a bloated, sluggish prego mom like I am right now.
(Note: people have asked me how we got into this preschool so soon, one mom telling
me that she put her son on the waiting list when he was born, 3 years ago - I think
she's joking but not entirely sure)
5. If I must go on insulin at least it should help my baby not be born a 10 pounder which
is one of the concerns and not something that I think I'd enjoy.
6. As far as the "bitch juice" all I can say is that I've been blessed with a pretty awesome
husband and I hope he still likes me when this is all said and done.
Hoping to not go on insulin after tomorrow's visit - but if I do I will follow doctor's orders and do exactly as I'm told.
After all I honestly look at this pregnancy as a true blessing and a gift that I should be so appreciative and grateful for !!!
I'll do whatever it takes to deliver this little girl healthy and at full term !!!
I had been feeling really terrible, with lots of headaches and grouchiness. So 2 weeks ago my doctor ordered a series of tests appropriate for this point in my pregnancy. I just knew it was my thyroid and that my thyroid meds would need to be increased. But the results came back that I have Gestational Diabetes...YUCK!!!
The initial plan was to make an effort to control it with diet for a week and check back in to see how it was going. I immediately threw away the chocolate cake, stopped having my afternoon bowl of ramen noodles, went shopping for low carb groceries and had to really adjust this whole carb craving thing that's been going on. The last thing I want is to be put on yet another medication. Just in time Chuck got his fab new grill and we've been doing lots of grilled meats, salads and veggies followed by sugar free desserts for me.
Well, I've been able to control just about every daily blood sugar reading except for the fasting blood sugar taken first thing in the morning when you wake up. The doctor decided that I should go on a pill to help with the high morning sugars, but then realized that I am allergic to something in that medication...always something of course. So I've been given another week, which ends tomorrow, to control my sugar levels better or be put on insulin shots...UGHHHHH.
But it gets worse. After having my Ultrasound last week with the high risk perinatologist, he prescribed me Progesterone shots. I guess this is to help old chics like me not deliver too early. I have taken progesterone before, every time I've done In-Vitro and I'm here to tell you that it is not my friend.
It is so terrible in fact that Chuck affectionately dubbbed it "Bitch Juice".
If you already feel hormonal and nutty simply being pregnant, just try a little dose of this poison... This has got to be the most evil venom you can put in your body... back it up Medusa. It makes you a complete whack job, have night sweats that soak your sheets and helps make me more of an insomniac than I already am - I will be starting those injections as soon as they are delivered - really looking forward to it - let the good times roll!!! ;-)
OK - so after all of this whah, whah, whah about my multiple afflictions I do have a list of positives.
1. Since changing my diet
a. I feel awesome and have actually lost 6 pounds!
b. My complexion is great - and I don't look puffed up and gray anymore!
2. I am lucky to have medical care that spots these things and gets me help for them
right away.
3. I am super fortunate to have parents and in-laws that have helped us a ton with this
move.
4. I am thrilled that Evan got into the most sought after preschool in the area, with a
waiting list a mile long, and his days are filled with awesome teachers and friends
instead of a bloated, sluggish prego mom like I am right now.
(Note: people have asked me how we got into this preschool so soon, one mom telling
me that she put her son on the waiting list when he was born, 3 years ago - I think
she's joking but not entirely sure)
5. If I must go on insulin at least it should help my baby not be born a 10 pounder which
is one of the concerns and not something that I think I'd enjoy.
6. As far as the "bitch juice" all I can say is that I've been blessed with a pretty awesome
husband and I hope he still likes me when this is all said and done.
Hoping to not go on insulin after tomorrow's visit - but if I do I will follow doctor's orders and do exactly as I'm told.
After all I honestly look at this pregnancy as a true blessing and a gift that I should be so appreciative and grateful for !!!
I'll do whatever it takes to deliver this little girl healthy and at full term !!!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
One of Each !!!
Well, I finally broke the news to Evan, on Thursday, that Mommy has a baby in her tummy and his first question, understandably was,
"Did you eat it?"
When I said no he asked,
"Well how did it get in there?"
I told him that GOD put it there and with a puzzled look he said,
" You mean the fence guy?"
(a guy was over the night before giving us an estimate for our fence)
After laughing so hard I almost peed myself and assuring him that the "fence guy" is not GOD I realized I should have bought a book or researched a little better how to break this kind of news to a 3 year old.
I'm thrilled to get to experience one of each, especially in my limited baby making situation...HAHAHA!!!
We have made the move to Florida and still have some unpacking, organizing and decorating to do. But with the help of our gracious parents, it's all starting to come together. The best part of living here so far is to be among nice people again. The general public here is just really polite and friendly...such a nice change from our last duty station.
Evan is enrolled in a church preschool that he loves and that I love...YEAH!!!
Small student to teacher ratio and lots of activities throughout the day that he totally enjoys.
I've got high hopes for this new chapter in our lives; a friendly place to live, a husband who's home a lot more and a baby girl on the way!
Feeling good about life!
Then today I had more news to break to him. I had my ultrasound this morning and it turns out we will have to get rid of all of the blue baby stuff that I've saved...Yes, to make this short and sweet, I'm happy to announce that Evan will be getting a baby SISTER!!!
I'm thrilled to get to experience one of each, especially in my limited baby making situation...HAHAHA!!!
We have made the move to Florida and still have some unpacking, organizing and decorating to do. But with the help of our gracious parents, it's all starting to come together. The best part of living here so far is to be among nice people again. The general public here is just really polite and friendly...such a nice change from our last duty station.
Evan is enrolled in a church preschool that he loves and that I love...YEAH!!!
Small student to teacher ratio and lots of activities throughout the day that he totally enjoys.
I've got high hopes for this new chapter in our lives; a friendly place to live, a husband who's home a lot more and a baby girl on the way!
Feeling good about life!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Miracles Are Possible !!!
So it turns out miracles are possible after all.
If you've known me for awhile or met me recently, you're probably familiar with at least parts of the story of our infertility struggles. I'm not a very private person and known for TMI.
I just don't see a lot of reason to hide things about your life from others...what's the point? I usually feel a lot better after talking and sharing things with friends and family anyhow.
Of course, to each his own and I can respect that.
IF YOU'RE NOT INTO OR CAN'T HANDLE SQUEEMISH INFERTILITY/CONCEPTION DETAILS YOU MAY WANT TO STOP READING - THIS IS YOUR WARNING !
So around 6-7 years ago we began seeing fertility specialists to find out why our efforts to conceive were not successful. I was told tubal blockage was to blame and that In-Vitro would most likely be my only shot at having a child. We did our first round in the summer of 2006 and out of 16 eggs collected and inseminated, then three that made it to the transfer date - Evan our miracle child was born! We were so fortunate that it worked and we got a healthy child from our first try! If you know anyone who's gone through IVF it can take years and thousands and thousands of dollars and tons of disappointment and heartache. It affects every area of your life and can really affect how you see the world, who you are and your relationships with others.
Sidenote:
You oddly become jealous and resentful of crack whores
and question why you just had to have a plan and go and
do everything so right like secure an education, pursue
your career, then marry, then try to start your family.
Maybe the crack whores really have it figured out;
after all they have multiple babies and you have none.
Can you see how we become BITTER?!?
Anyhow, Evan has been the most incredible blessing in my life to date and we have tried unsuccessfully to have another child through three more rounds of IVF and then a canceled round right before the retrieval date due to a high blood pressure diagnosis.
A few months back we found out that we are moving to Florida and decided to begin the process with an IVF doctor down there. You can refer back 2 posts ago for the whole story, but in a nutshell he said that my tubes are poisonous and probably need to come out or I will most likely have no luck with future IVF rounds or conceiving naturally because of my "Toxic Tubes."
TMI ALERT !!!! Right here...
So we went out to dinner after meeting with the doctor, had some drinks, saw a terrible Jennifer Aniston movie (but it's still Jen and she's my girl.), went back to the hotel and of course being our last night in Fl with Evan staying with the grandparents...well you know. I rarely pass up a chance to conceive when I know that I'm ovulating. It just so happens that the next morning at breakfast I felt the pain that only happens when I ovulate. I thought WOW good timing!
We came home from Fl., life resumed as normal and a few weeks later I begin to experience weird symptoms. So with completely irrational high hopes I went to Walgreens and got a 3 pack of home prego tests.
I am so excited to announce to you today that I am currently 11 1/2 weeks pregnant with a December 16th due date, incredible nausea, a larger than normal ass and I couldn't be more happy!!!
With all the medical knowledge stacked against this ever being possible, it has somehow happened on it's own.
A handful of people know but not many. I have had a wall up, as if I don't believe it's true even after seeing the heartbeat on the ultrasound. It's like if I let myself get into the idea I would jinx myself and lose it. I know that's probably silly, but oh well. It was pretty hard to keep it a secret till almost the 2nd trimester but it's what I chose to do. I am just about out of this set of weeds, as far as 1st trimester miscarriages go. Every day is going to be scary for me, always wondering if I'm doing something that could endanger it. Yes, to me it is still an "it" - no cute nicknames at this point - probably another wall of protection for me; as if not getting personal about it yet would make things easier if I lose it.
A couple of things that worry me are my high blood pressure and my age.
Evan came 5 weeks early and I was only 35; making me a high risk for another premature delivery at 39.
The average 39 year old has a 1 in 98 chance of having a child with down syndrome.
I was on a high blood pressure med known to cause birth defects for the first 5 weeks of the pregnancy; didn't worry about it because I'm not supposed to be able to get pregnant...Huhhhhhhh. So like I told a friend,
I not only have the deck stacked against me; I've got the whole casino stacked against me.
With all that said I will continue to take the best care of myself and be so grateful to God for blessing me with this unexpected miracle and pray, pray and pray some more!!!! I'll take all of yours that I can get too!
It's so good to finally share this news. I know my neighbors think I'm just getting fat because these weird carb cravings have already added around 8 lbs!!! I really need to chill on the pasta and bread but that's all I seem to want.
To those of you who have known and kept the secret till I was ready to go public...THANKS!!! I know it was hard at times and I appreciate it.
I hope God grants me the gift of a healthy pregnancy to full term - that's all I want in life right now!!!
Here's to faith and positive thoughts!!!
If you've known me for awhile or met me recently, you're probably familiar with at least parts of the story of our infertility struggles. I'm not a very private person and known for TMI.
I just don't see a lot of reason to hide things about your life from others...what's the point? I usually feel a lot better after talking and sharing things with friends and family anyhow.
Of course, to each his own and I can respect that.
IF YOU'RE NOT INTO OR CAN'T HANDLE SQUEEMISH INFERTILITY/CONCEPTION DETAILS YOU MAY WANT TO STOP READING - THIS IS YOUR WARNING !
So around 6-7 years ago we began seeing fertility specialists to find out why our efforts to conceive were not successful. I was told tubal blockage was to blame and that In-Vitro would most likely be my only shot at having a child. We did our first round in the summer of 2006 and out of 16 eggs collected and inseminated, then three that made it to the transfer date - Evan our miracle child was born! We were so fortunate that it worked and we got a healthy child from our first try! If you know anyone who's gone through IVF it can take years and thousands and thousands of dollars and tons of disappointment and heartache. It affects every area of your life and can really affect how you see the world, who you are and your relationships with others.
Sidenote:
You oddly become jealous and resentful of crack whores
and question why you just had to have a plan and go and
do everything so right like secure an education, pursue
your career, then marry, then try to start your family.
Maybe the crack whores really have it figured out;
after all they have multiple babies and you have none.
Can you see how we become BITTER?!?
Anyhow, Evan has been the most incredible blessing in my life to date and we have tried unsuccessfully to have another child through three more rounds of IVF and then a canceled round right before the retrieval date due to a high blood pressure diagnosis.
A few months back we found out that we are moving to Florida and decided to begin the process with an IVF doctor down there. You can refer back 2 posts ago for the whole story, but in a nutshell he said that my tubes are poisonous and probably need to come out or I will most likely have no luck with future IVF rounds or conceiving naturally because of my "Toxic Tubes."
TMI ALERT !!!! Right here...
So we went out to dinner after meeting with the doctor, had some drinks, saw a terrible Jennifer Aniston movie (but it's still Jen and she's my girl.), went back to the hotel and of course being our last night in Fl with Evan staying with the grandparents...well you know. I rarely pass up a chance to conceive when I know that I'm ovulating. It just so happens that the next morning at breakfast I felt the pain that only happens when I ovulate. I thought WOW good timing!
We came home from Fl., life resumed as normal and a few weeks later I begin to experience weird symptoms. So with completely irrational high hopes I went to Walgreens and got a 3 pack of home prego tests.
I am so excited to announce to you today that I am currently 11 1/2 weeks pregnant with a December 16th due date, incredible nausea, a larger than normal ass and I couldn't be more happy!!!
With all the medical knowledge stacked against this ever being possible, it has somehow happened on it's own.
A handful of people know but not many. I have had a wall up, as if I don't believe it's true even after seeing the heartbeat on the ultrasound. It's like if I let myself get into the idea I would jinx myself and lose it. I know that's probably silly, but oh well. It was pretty hard to keep it a secret till almost the 2nd trimester but it's what I chose to do. I am just about out of this set of weeds, as far as 1st trimester miscarriages go. Every day is going to be scary for me, always wondering if I'm doing something that could endanger it. Yes, to me it is still an "it" - no cute nicknames at this point - probably another wall of protection for me; as if not getting personal about it yet would make things easier if I lose it.
A couple of things that worry me are my high blood pressure and my age.
Evan came 5 weeks early and I was only 35; making me a high risk for another premature delivery at 39.
The average 39 year old has a 1 in 98 chance of having a child with down syndrome.
I was on a high blood pressure med known to cause birth defects for the first 5 weeks of the pregnancy; didn't worry about it because I'm not supposed to be able to get pregnant...Huhhhhhhh. So like I told a friend,
I not only have the deck stacked against me; I've got the whole casino stacked against me.
With all that said I will continue to take the best care of myself and be so grateful to God for blessing me with this unexpected miracle and pray, pray and pray some more!!!! I'll take all of yours that I can get too!
It's so good to finally share this news. I know my neighbors think I'm just getting fat because these weird carb cravings have already added around 8 lbs!!! I really need to chill on the pasta and bread but that's all I seem to want.
To those of you who have known and kept the secret till I was ready to go public...THANKS!!! I know it was hard at times and I appreciate it.
I hope God grants me the gift of a healthy pregnancy to full term - that's all I want in life right now!!!
Here's to faith and positive thoughts!!!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Proud Mommy
OK - so if there was to be any redemption for my last post "Mommy Guilt"...here it is.
This morning Evan had his 3 year check-up, including hearing and vision screening.
He passed all with flying colors!!! The doc said he scored above most 4 year olds as many of them aren't even able to follow the directions and pass the test. He was so cute holding the little paddle over his right eye then his left (even knew which eye I was saying to cover!) and telling her what the shapes and symbols were on the chart. He was able to do everything expected of him just perfectly! I couldn't believe everything that he knew. Seems that all this reading and drawing and explaining of everything to him has actually sunk in.
I really felt like I had a smart kid...no better feeling to make you feel proud.
The doc also said that he is in the 90th percentile in height and 75th in weight.
So he's is growing well - Woo-Hoo!!!
Just a short post today...but made me feel happy and I wanted to share :0)
This morning Evan had his 3 year check-up, including hearing and vision screening.
He passed all with flying colors!!! The doc said he scored above most 4 year olds as many of them aren't even able to follow the directions and pass the test. He was so cute holding the little paddle over his right eye then his left (even knew which eye I was saying to cover!) and telling her what the shapes and symbols were on the chart. He was able to do everything expected of him just perfectly! I couldn't believe everything that he knew. Seems that all this reading and drawing and explaining of everything to him has actually sunk in.
I really felt like I had a smart kid...no better feeling to make you feel proud.
The doc also said that he is in the 90th percentile in height and 75th in weight.
So he's is growing well - Woo-Hoo!!!
Just a short post today...but made me feel happy and I wanted to share :0)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Mommy Guilt
Today was a very tough day at the dentist. And although it was Evan's 1st time in the chair it was not Evan who had the tough time, but his mother who left in tears. It sucks when you realize that you haven't done the best job at something concerning your child.
Let me start with saying that I called a Pediatric Dentist office, last year, when Evan was 2 and asked when children normally come in for their first visit. The bubbly receptionist replied, "Oh usually around 3 or 4."
So I took that info, thought we're good to go till next year and have been brushing his teeth twice daily and flossing a couple times a week, as common sense would tell me to do.
He turned 3 in March. I enrolled him in our dental insurance plan in April and today was his very first visit..
Imagine my surprise as I searched on-line. last week, for videos or books to prepare your child for their first dental visit and found article after article informing me that children should see a dentist after the first tooth comes in !!!!
WHERE HAVE I BEEN?
HOW DID I REALLY NOT KNOW THIS?
AM I THIS OUT OF TOUCH?
HOW DID I REALLY NOT KNOW THIS?
AM I THIS OUT OF TOUCH?
So now let me describe the visit: Evan was completely prepared because of 2 awesome books I found about going to the dentist - we read them at least 20 times over the weekend and he was excited to sit in the cool chair and get shiny, clean white teeth - when the nurse called him in he held her hand and walked right back, climbed in the chair and did completely AWESOME!!! while having his teeth scraped and cleaned - never flinched or cried or anything; was a complete trooper - when they took X-Rays he gagged a little but stayed in the chair and followed directions perfectly - I could not have been more surprised or proud at how he handled the entire thing - probably better than some adults ;0)
The nurse gives Evan his goody bag & let's him pick a reward from the treasure box - and then came the closer; the big dentist with the silly green wig - I'm thinking we will soon be on our way. He takes a look at Evan's teeth and then tells me," Mom come take a closer look; there are several" interesting" things going on with Evan's teeth." (You don't have to be a rocket scientist to realize this isn't going to be good)
He explains to me that Evan has Enamel Hypoplasia, which is commonly found to be linked to the over use of antibiotics, often seen with children who have a history of recurring ear infections, sinus infections, etc... He says that he sees it all day long with kids with this history.
Links with info on this condition:
http://www.doctormayes.com/education.html ( scroll down towards the bottom of page )
Sidenote: Evan was on antibiotics for sinus and ear infections
almost every month for the first 1.5 years of his life. I knew it
wasn't ideal but didn't know it could interfere with the
development of his teeth. When your kid has a 104 fever, you
give him an antibiotic right? Huhhhhhhh.....so anyway...
almost every month for the first 1.5 years of his life. I knew it
wasn't ideal but didn't know it could interfere with the
development of his teeth. When your kid has a 104 fever, you
give him an antibiotic right? Huhhhhhhh.....so anyway...
The dentist goes on to say that because of the weak enamel structure, decay has set in on many of his teeth and that Evan needs 6 fillings and 2 crowns!!!! OMG!!! He's 3 years old !!!
I think I almost fell off the chair at this point because the very sweet nurse put her hand on my back.
He then goes on to tell me the options for this extensive dental work for a 3 year old.
1. A valium type pill to relax him and come back to this office
- about a 40 minute process.
- about a 40 minute process.
or
2. Refer him to the Children's Hospital to go under
general anesthesia and have it done.
general anesthesia and have it done.
I ask the dentist what he recommends in Evan's case and he says anesthesia at the hospital. He doesn't think Evan is old enough to handle the light valium relaxation option. He explains that once he starts the drilling, if the kid freaks out they just have to keep going and basically we'll have to hold him down which is totally tramatic for the child. So I ask if the sedation is totally safe and he responds," No, no form of sedation is 100% safe." I say," You mean there's a possibility of death with sedation dentistry?" He responds ," Yes, a child just died last week from sedation dentistry...not here, in Virginia."
( OH lord why is it so easy for me to cry?
Why can't I be a stronger person? )
Why can't I be a stronger person? )
Like an idiot, tears begin welling up as I listen to him explain further about my options. All that is going through my mind is that I neglected my child's teeth and that because I made poor choices I could have endangered him in the worst way; by endangering his life. ( At this point the nurse pats my back and gets me a tissue ) We decide that I will think about it and make my decision at a later date. He tells me that it is nothing that needs to be done right away and that if we brush well, cut back on the sugar and keep his teeth clean, he could go months with no worries as tooth decay progresses very slowly.
As the nurse leads me around the corner she whispers not to be upset, dentists do sedation dentristy all day with no problem. She advised me to wait till we get down to Florida, in about 6 weeks, and locate a reputable Pediatric Dentist down there and see what they would advise. She said that she really thinks Evan would be able to handle it with just the mild relaxation pill, because he did so well for his first cleaning. So I guess I will search out a great place down there to get this taken care of in the most appropriate way.
But I can't get over the what ifs:
If I'd only brought him to the dentist earlier
If he'd gotten tubes and hadn't had sooooo many antibiotics
If I'd brushed better or given him less sweets & juice
For now no more sippy cups with juice, and I'm following this child around with a toothbrush and brushing the sugar off every time he eats something with sugar so it doesn't get worse (recommended by the nurse today).
It really stinks when you feel like you haven't done right by your child.
After all, he's helpless and relies on me to make good decisions about his well being.
I usually feel like I'm a good parent but today has definitely got me down and questioning myself.
After all, he's helpless and relies on me to make good decisions about his well being.
I usually feel like I'm a good parent but today has definitely got me down and questioning myself.
My best friend once told me that her biggest surprise about being a new mother was the constant guilt.
I was pregnant with Evan and she told me to be prepared to feel guilty about everything I do, wondering if you've made the right decision or wondering if you are doing too much or not enough of something and how any choice you make will affect your child in some way. I didn't understand it at the time but definitely understand it more as time passes.
I have lots of Mommy Guilt today concerning Evan's teeth but I am trying to digest it, formulate a plan to fix it and be Evan's Happy Mommy so he doesn't absorb my negative vibes.
(Anytime I get onto him he tells me to be a Happy Mommy and let's have a Happy Day; not a Sad Day! )
So I will sleep on this and hope for a Happy Day tomorrow!
P.S. NEW MOMS: watch out for constant antibiotics; get tubes in those little ears and get those babies to the dentist with that first tooth. Don't wait till you end up here.
I was pregnant with Evan and she told me to be prepared to feel guilty about everything I do, wondering if you've made the right decision or wondering if you are doing too much or not enough of something and how any choice you make will affect your child in some way. I didn't understand it at the time but definitely understand it more as time passes.
I have lots of Mommy Guilt today concerning Evan's teeth but I am trying to digest it, formulate a plan to fix it and be Evan's Happy Mommy so he doesn't absorb my negative vibes.
(Anytime I get onto him he tells me to be a Happy Mommy and let's have a Happy Day; not a Sad Day! )
So I will sleep on this and hope for a Happy Day tomorrow!
P.S. NEW MOMS: watch out for constant antibiotics; get tubes in those little ears and get those babies to the dentist with that first tooth. Don't wait till you end up here.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sorry I've Been MIA !!!
WOW! I'm a posting slacker! It has been about 2 months since I last posted and a ton has happened.
And so the sharing shall begin...
We have been informed that our next duty station will be Florida. We don't have the official orders in hand yet, but have been told they will come in a matter of weeks. So, planners that we are, we put our house up for sale on millitarybyowner.com, got our first call 3 weeks later and have a contract signed with the buyer and close on May 28th and will rent it back for one month - new owners take possession on July 1st. Not bad for no realtor fees...really glad we sold it! Then we figured we'd get a jump on things and find a home down there. We went down to house-hunt in March, following Evan's 3rd Birthday Party at Nana and Poppa's in Mississippi - left him with his grandparents and pounded the pavement for 4 days, must have looked at 50-60 homes, fell in L-O-V-E with a new construction, were hours from putting down earnest money...then it all came to a screeching hault!
Chuck went in to talk with his commander about our intentions. That's when his commander said he's not sure that it's such a great idea for us to buy because there's a chance we could only be there a year before transfering out to another state for school...information that would have been great to know as we were headed down to FL to B-U-Y our new home...Uuggghhhhh!
So now we are scouring the internet for rentals...hmmm rentals; this should be interesting. And because of Bailey we have to find one that allows pets, which means it's already had pets in it...can we say stinky carpet? Oh well, I won't move into anything unless it passes the clean and non-stinky test so we will just keep looking.
So on the IVF front, there's lots of new info. I had planned to do the April cycle here with Dr. Parker since at this point he and his team are truly like family to me. When a small group of people have poked and prodded, and scanned your uterus and seen you coming in and out of anesthesia, and comforted you when you cry because it hasn't worked yet again, you get pretty close to them. But when we got word about the move I decided it wouldn't be the ideal environment for a new embryo for me to move during the process...lots of lifting, bending, twisting, pulling and pushing in the packing process not to mention the cleaning with all the vaporous chemicals. I decided to wait and try for our last time down in Fl after the stress of the move is behind us and we are settled in our next home.
So using the SART - Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology website I located a reputable IVF doctor down in Pensacola, had my records sent there, filled out the 20 page application and got in for an appt. with them on the last night we were there to house hunt. A lot was discovered in that first meeting, changing so much about what I believed to be true about my current diagnosis for infertility. He explained that I have tubal factor infertility, which is the best diagnosis you can have. Hydrosalpinx means tubal blockage, possibly from a prior infection or scar tissue, that may be able to be unblocked and that there could be this fluid that slowly leaks from them that has been basically poisoning any embryo that tried to implant in there. And that with this diagnosis the first procedure that should be done is to laparascopically go in and try to unblock the tubes, to see if they can be salvaged or remove them so they stop with the poisonous drip which I have affectionately nicknamed "Toxic Tubes". If the tubes can be saved and unblocked there is actually a chance of conceiving naturally and not only with IVF. If the tubes are "dead tissue" then they can be removed giving future IVF rounds a better chance at survival.
This guy explained this to us like it was Infertility 101 and was surprised that no one had ever discussed this with us. Needless to say we were completely stunned. I can actually remember asking my first IVF clinic (where I conceived Evan) if my tubes could be repaired and they kind of laughed and said no it doesn't work that way, kind of like it was a silly question on my part. Just trying to make a dime and skip the proper diagnosis ? We'll probably never know. Why Dr. Parker has never mentioned this to me is a mystery. This discovery totally supports the philosophy to ALWAYS GET A SECOND OPINION when it comes to your health. GEEZ, we felt so stupid.
So the next move is to schedule a laparascopic surgery with this doc when we get our dates set and know when we will be down there. And we will go from there and see just what my next plan of attack will be.
So I know that was a lot of info but I feel all caught up now! Yeaaaaaah!!!! :)
I do just have to say that I'm totally in LOVE with my "Angel Baby" Evan and that he is just the coolest kid ever and if he is the only shot I ever get at motherhood I am completely blessed and grateful !!!
Also during that visit the IVF doc told me that I was really lucky to have gotten pregnant and maintain the pregnancy with Evan and that with my "toxic tubes" he should not even exist. Do you think either of the men in that room ( one being my husband ) understood the tears that immediately started streaming down my face?
I always new he was a miracle baby and now this just supports that fact even more.
I LOVE YOU EVAN!!!
And so the sharing shall begin...
We have been informed that our next duty station will be Florida. We don't have the official orders in hand yet, but have been told they will come in a matter of weeks. So, planners that we are, we put our house up for sale on millitarybyowner.com, got our first call 3 weeks later and have a contract signed with the buyer and close on May 28th and will rent it back for one month - new owners take possession on July 1st. Not bad for no realtor fees...really glad we sold it! Then we figured we'd get a jump on things and find a home down there. We went down to house-hunt in March, following Evan's 3rd Birthday Party at Nana and Poppa's in Mississippi - left him with his grandparents and pounded the pavement for 4 days, must have looked at 50-60 homes, fell in L-O-V-E with a new construction, were hours from putting down earnest money...then it all came to a screeching hault!
Chuck went in to talk with his commander about our intentions. That's when his commander said he's not sure that it's such a great idea for us to buy because there's a chance we could only be there a year before transfering out to another state for school...information that would have been great to know as we were headed down to FL to B-U-Y our new home...Uuggghhhhh!
So now we are scouring the internet for rentals...hmmm rentals; this should be interesting. And because of Bailey we have to find one that allows pets, which means it's already had pets in it...can we say stinky carpet? Oh well, I won't move into anything unless it passes the clean and non-stinky test so we will just keep looking.
So on the IVF front, there's lots of new info. I had planned to do the April cycle here with Dr. Parker since at this point he and his team are truly like family to me. When a small group of people have poked and prodded, and scanned your uterus and seen you coming in and out of anesthesia, and comforted you when you cry because it hasn't worked yet again, you get pretty close to them. But when we got word about the move I decided it wouldn't be the ideal environment for a new embryo for me to move during the process...lots of lifting, bending, twisting, pulling and pushing in the packing process not to mention the cleaning with all the vaporous chemicals. I decided to wait and try for our last time down in Fl after the stress of the move is behind us and we are settled in our next home.
So using the SART - Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology website I located a reputable IVF doctor down in Pensacola, had my records sent there, filled out the 20 page application and got in for an appt. with them on the last night we were there to house hunt. A lot was discovered in that first meeting, changing so much about what I believed to be true about my current diagnosis for infertility. He explained that I have tubal factor infertility, which is the best diagnosis you can have. Hydrosalpinx means tubal blockage, possibly from a prior infection or scar tissue, that may be able to be unblocked and that there could be this fluid that slowly leaks from them that has been basically poisoning any embryo that tried to implant in there. And that with this diagnosis the first procedure that should be done is to laparascopically go in and try to unblock the tubes, to see if they can be salvaged or remove them so they stop with the poisonous drip which I have affectionately nicknamed "Toxic Tubes". If the tubes can be saved and unblocked there is actually a chance of conceiving naturally and not only with IVF. If the tubes are "dead tissue" then they can be removed giving future IVF rounds a better chance at survival.
This guy explained this to us like it was Infertility 101 and was surprised that no one had ever discussed this with us. Needless to say we were completely stunned. I can actually remember asking my first IVF clinic (where I conceived Evan) if my tubes could be repaired and they kind of laughed and said no it doesn't work that way, kind of like it was a silly question on my part. Just trying to make a dime and skip the proper diagnosis ? We'll probably never know. Why Dr. Parker has never mentioned this to me is a mystery. This discovery totally supports the philosophy to ALWAYS GET A SECOND OPINION when it comes to your health. GEEZ, we felt so stupid.
So the next move is to schedule a laparascopic surgery with this doc when we get our dates set and know when we will be down there. And we will go from there and see just what my next plan of attack will be.
So I know that was a lot of info but I feel all caught up now! Yeaaaaaah!!!! :)
I do just have to say that I'm totally in LOVE with my "Angel Baby" Evan and that he is just the coolest kid ever and if he is the only shot I ever get at motherhood I am completely blessed and grateful !!!
Also during that visit the IVF doc told me that I was really lucky to have gotten pregnant and maintain the pregnancy with Evan and that with my "toxic tubes" he should not even exist. Do you think either of the men in that room ( one being my husband ) understood the tears that immediately started streaming down my face?
I always new he was a miracle baby and now this just supports that fact even more.
I LOVE YOU EVAN!!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Moving Along Now
Well I suppose the outcome was inevitable after the lab results on Monday. I held out hope and I and everyone and their dog prayed for a different outcome. But I guess it's not in the plan right now. My numbers were decreasing for whatever reason and the doc recommended that we abandon this cycle and not retrieve my eggs on Thursday. Man, it's hard to let go when you've been on hormones for 5 weeks, been taking injections and feeling like dog poop for 10 days and mentally working up to the day they retrieve your eggs and having such high hopes for a good outcome....hard, hard, hard to let it all go and say it was a bust!
Had I insisted, he would have done the surgery & the IVF clinic would have taken the money ( not out the large sum of dough until retrieval and transfer are performed ) But he said it would most likely be for nothing or for very few, poor quality eggs. They most likely would not fertilize and if so most likely would not implant. It was tempting I must admit. But because this is our "final" shot at this, I took his advice.
I want my last try to be awesome and have massive potential not failure written all over it.
I've processed this, cried a little and moped for about 15 minutes and now I'm over it. Things could be so much worse. For instance, I could have a seemingly 20 year old healthy daughter who had a heart attack last week, open heart surgery yesterday and coded and needed her heart shocked lastnight before having her chest cracked open again. This is what is happening with my sister's niece right now! It just kind of puts it all in perspective. To top that off my sister's best friend Cindy, who is a fellow infertility warrior, had to be hospitalized for a c-section lastnight because the baby, that they've tried for for years and years is to big to deliver vaginally.
So, I'm praying for my sis whose trying to be a trouper for everyone around her.
Love you Cheryl and Chris! Good luck to Cindy and Chelsea!
I'm pissed at my outcome but hopefully we can have our real "final" cycle in March or April.
Once again I've been given lemons...and you know the rest.
Moving along now.
Had I insisted, he would have done the surgery & the IVF clinic would have taken the money ( not out the large sum of dough until retrieval and transfer are performed ) But he said it would most likely be for nothing or for very few, poor quality eggs. They most likely would not fertilize and if so most likely would not implant. It was tempting I must admit. But because this is our "final" shot at this, I took his advice.
I want my last try to be awesome and have massive potential not failure written all over it.
I've processed this, cried a little and moped for about 15 minutes and now I'm over it. Things could be so much worse. For instance, I could have a seemingly 20 year old healthy daughter who had a heart attack last week, open heart surgery yesterday and coded and needed her heart shocked lastnight before having her chest cracked open again. This is what is happening with my sister's niece right now! It just kind of puts it all in perspective. To top that off my sister's best friend Cindy, who is a fellow infertility warrior, had to be hospitalized for a c-section lastnight because the baby, that they've tried for for years and years is to big to deliver vaginally.
So, I'm praying for my sis whose trying to be a trouper for everyone around her.
Love you Cheryl and Chris! Good luck to Cindy and Chelsea!
I'm pissed at my outcome but hopefully we can have our real "final" cycle in March or April.
Once again I've been given lemons...and you know the rest.
Moving along now.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Hoping For A Major Turnaround
So for a few days now I go in every other day for bloodwork and an ultrasound of my follicles to make sure everything's on track and in sync. Every 12 hours I get an injection of three drugs to get everything to that perfect place where we are ready to retrieve my eggs. Yesterday I had 16 good looking follicles, that should produce eggs, and my Estradiol levels were increasing right on target along with my Luteinizing Hormone level. The BP medicine I have been put on seems to be helping. Blood pressure numbers are slowly decreasing and I feel ten times better.
I went to see my friend Gretchen today who has 3 month old triplets...yes, from my IVF doctor!!! Thinking maybe if I'm around her my body will get the hint about what it's supposed to do ;-)
Next I had a great visit with my old peeps from school and was just feeling on top of the world.
Then came the dreaded call from my IVF doctor, not the nurse who always calls, the doctor. He said not to freak out that he was calling, not Dori. Ok, so after that I knew it wasn't going to be good news.
He informs me that my Estradiol level only went up 250 something or others when it should have gone up 1,000 something or others and that my Luteinizing hormone actually did nothing at all when it should have increased as well. He further explains that this means my body is kind of shutting down and saying that for whatever reason it wants nothing to do with the egg stimulating process this time!!!
I'm thinking, "You've got to be kidding me!"
I ask if the BP meds could have affected the process. He says he honestly doesn't know but their could be a connection due to capillaries not profusing as well once your BP is controlled. (Don't understand that 100%, but OK)
He goes on to recommend that we cancel this cycle because these levels indicate poor egg quality or low egg count or even no eggs. If they did the surgery it would probably be for nothing with the way things are looking.
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CANCEL THIS CYCLE?!?!?!?!?!?!
I knew it happened but never thought it would happen to me...huh, but then again why am I surprised?
If I had only been a crack whore, I'd have 6 kids by now.
I explain that I've got grandparents coming in to town, plane tickets have been purchased and is there any chance that this is a fluke and tomorrow my levels would go back up. I'm just not ready to throw in the towel yet.
He's such a sweet man - says nothing's impossible - come in tomorrow morning at 7:30 for bloodwork and make sure I do your ultrasound.
Man I'm praying for some kind of miraculous turn around !!!
Pray for me, Pray for me, Pray for me !!!!!!
I went to see my friend Gretchen today who has 3 month old triplets...yes, from my IVF doctor!!! Thinking maybe if I'm around her my body will get the hint about what it's supposed to do ;-)
Next I had a great visit with my old peeps from school and was just feeling on top of the world.
Then came the dreaded call from my IVF doctor, not the nurse who always calls, the doctor. He said not to freak out that he was calling, not Dori. Ok, so after that I knew it wasn't going to be good news.
He informs me that my Estradiol level only went up 250 something or others when it should have gone up 1,000 something or others and that my Luteinizing hormone actually did nothing at all when it should have increased as well. He further explains that this means my body is kind of shutting down and saying that for whatever reason it wants nothing to do with the egg stimulating process this time!!!
I'm thinking, "You've got to be kidding me!"
I ask if the BP meds could have affected the process. He says he honestly doesn't know but their could be a connection due to capillaries not profusing as well once your BP is controlled. (Don't understand that 100%, but OK)
He goes on to recommend that we cancel this cycle because these levels indicate poor egg quality or low egg count or even no eggs. If they did the surgery it would probably be for nothing with the way things are looking.
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CANCEL THIS CYCLE?!?!?!?!?!?!
I knew it happened but never thought it would happen to me...huh, but then again why am I surprised?
If I had only been a crack whore, I'd have 6 kids by now.
I explain that I've got grandparents coming in to town, plane tickets have been purchased and is there any chance that this is a fluke and tomorrow my levels would go back up. I'm just not ready to throw in the towel yet.
He's such a sweet man - says nothing's impossible - come in tomorrow morning at 7:30 for bloodwork and make sure I do your ultrasound.
Man I'm praying for some kind of miraculous turn around !!!
Pray for me, Pray for me, Pray for me !!!!!!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Disappointing - But Better Than Having A Stroke - Right?
So you start the day off with a routine ultrasound and end the day having an EKG and being put on blood pressure medication, probably for the rest of your life, says the doc...Sigh :(
Well, the outcome was not what I had hoped. My bp was 158/100 and I had chest tightness as I talked with my doc. He informed me that I would be going on bp meds. and that it is very rare for someone to get off of them once they are on!!! WOW! I so did not know this. I thought you lost a little weight, exercised a little more, it would go down and BAM! off the meds. But I guess because in my case he thinks it's the unexplained hereditary kind, not related to weight, I'll probably be a lifer. Now if my bp wasn't already high enough it definitely was after this news - I totally lost it and bawled like a baby right there in the doc's office.
After calling anyone under the sun that would listen to me cry about this (you know who you are - THANKS!)...I have come to terms with it and realize that it's better than having a stroke. I guess I should really be thankful that they detected it and got me the attention and care that I need, right?
I have been feeling just awful and having skull splitting headaches, and tightness in my chest which now makes sense.
My next biggest concern was that this may somehow interfere with the IVF process. When I asked Dori, my IVF nurse, she reminded me that first and foremost we have to get me in balance before it would be good to get pregnant, no matter what the cost - true but hard to switch gears I guess. My whole focus right now is to have a precious little baby, not worry about my damn blood pressure! The drug they've put me on is supposedly safe for women that are pregnant or trying to conceive.
In the back of my mind I'm of course still hoping that this is a fluke and somehow just a side effect of the IVF stuff my body is being put through...even after my Mom told me that it's on both sides of our family and that most were put on bp meds in their thirties...one can still hope though, right?
For a little good news, I do have 14 follicles at this point which should mean 14 eggs! I have another ultrasound Friday morning and will report any news after that.
To end on a postitive note the best part of my day was while Evan was playing with my hair as we were falling asleep lastnight he said,
"Mommy I love your hair...you're beautiful!"
Realistically I look scary and kind of like a mad woman right now that's getting whiplash from these mood swings, but if he thinks I'm beautiful, I'll take it !!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Have a Great Day!
Well, the outcome was not what I had hoped. My bp was 158/100 and I had chest tightness as I talked with my doc. He informed me that I would be going on bp meds. and that it is very rare for someone to get off of them once they are on!!! WOW! I so did not know this. I thought you lost a little weight, exercised a little more, it would go down and BAM! off the meds. But I guess because in my case he thinks it's the unexplained hereditary kind, not related to weight, I'll probably be a lifer. Now if my bp wasn't already high enough it definitely was after this news - I totally lost it and bawled like a baby right there in the doc's office.
After calling anyone under the sun that would listen to me cry about this (you know who you are - THANKS!)...I have come to terms with it and realize that it's better than having a stroke. I guess I should really be thankful that they detected it and got me the attention and care that I need, right?
I have been feeling just awful and having skull splitting headaches, and tightness in my chest which now makes sense.
My next biggest concern was that this may somehow interfere with the IVF process. When I asked Dori, my IVF nurse, she reminded me that first and foremost we have to get me in balance before it would be good to get pregnant, no matter what the cost - true but hard to switch gears I guess. My whole focus right now is to have a precious little baby, not worry about my damn blood pressure! The drug they've put me on is supposedly safe for women that are pregnant or trying to conceive.
In the back of my mind I'm of course still hoping that this is a fluke and somehow just a side effect of the IVF stuff my body is being put through...even after my Mom told me that it's on both sides of our family and that most were put on bp meds in their thirties...one can still hope though, right?
For a little good news, I do have 14 follicles at this point which should mean 14 eggs! I have another ultrasound Friday morning and will report any news after that.
To end on a postitive note the best part of my day was while Evan was playing with my hair as we were falling asleep lastnight he said,
"Mommy I love your hair...you're beautiful!"
Realistically I look scary and kind of like a mad woman right now that's getting whiplash from these mood swings, but if he thinks I'm beautiful, I'll take it !!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Have a Great Day!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
High Blood Pressure! Really?
WOW!!! So I go in this morning for my ultrasound and blood work to see how everything’s coming along. The nurse takes my blood pressure 3 times and keeps getting pretty high readings.
Jennifer, the ultrasound tech. does her thing. Next Dori, my IVF nurse, has me sit in a quiet room and close my eyes to relax for 5 minutes before taking my blood pressure one more time on a different machine. I breathe deep, relax, think happy thoughts with my eyes closed.
She takes my bp once more. It has gone down but not significantly. Next she tells me to go see my primary care doctor and get evaluated…that I may need to be put on bp medication!
Jennifer also told me that she observed some excess fluid during the ultrasound. She would normally recommend Gatorade to get my sodium levels up, but because my bp was at a stroke level not to drink the Gatorade after all.
WOW! Did not see this coming.
I have exercised more, eaten healthier and lost 10 lbs in the past 2 months in order to go into this round of IVF a little lighter and a somewhat healthier.
So I have an appt. this afternoon. I really hope it goes down because now I worry that high bp complications could cause my IVF doc to cancel this cycle. He said it is a possibility when I asked that question.
We’ll see. I’ll report after my doc’s appt this afternoon.
Hoping for the best of course.
These were my bp readings:
152/114
161/119
154/100
131/90 ( after resting for 5 minutes)
Jennifer, the ultrasound tech. does her thing. Next Dori, my IVF nurse, has me sit in a quiet room and close my eyes to relax for 5 minutes before taking my blood pressure one more time on a different machine. I breathe deep, relax, think happy thoughts with my eyes closed.
She takes my bp once more. It has gone down but not significantly. Next she tells me to go see my primary care doctor and get evaluated…that I may need to be put on bp medication!
Jennifer also told me that she observed some excess fluid during the ultrasound. She would normally recommend Gatorade to get my sodium levels up, but because my bp was at a stroke level not to drink the Gatorade after all.
WOW! Did not see this coming.
I have exercised more, eaten healthier and lost 10 lbs in the past 2 months in order to go into this round of IVF a little lighter and a somewhat healthier.
So I have an appt. this afternoon. I really hope it goes down because now I worry that high bp complications could cause my IVF doc to cancel this cycle. He said it is a possibility when I asked that question.
We’ll see. I’ll report after my doc’s appt this afternoon.
Hoping for the best of course.
These were my bp readings:
152/114
161/119
154/100
131/90 ( after resting for 5 minutes)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Happy "Real" Anniversary
Jan 19th is a great date!
Some folks know, but most don't, that I've actually been married 10 years today! Although we celebrate our anniversary on July 15th, we legally tied the knot six months before that at the courthouse one afternoon, as we were planning our big wedding in July of that year.
Guess the cat's out of the bag now ;0)
We picked Jan. 19th because it was my sister's birthday, his best friend's birthday and another one of my friends' birthdays. I thought it would be cool to pick a date that was already important and memorable to us...I suppose out of sentimentality.
I just saw on FaceBook that it is also the birthday of the son of one of my best friends from junior high !!!
What a cool date !!!
Chuck usually doesn't remember that this is our "real" anniversary and is away working and probably to busy to think about anything else...that's ok though because he always remembers July 15th.
I remember that this was a great day 10 years ago!!! I'm very happy to have him in my life. The good ones are few and far between!
Happy "Real" Anniversary to my Honey!!!
Some folks know, but most don't, that I've actually been married 10 years today! Although we celebrate our anniversary on July 15th, we legally tied the knot six months before that at the courthouse one afternoon, as we were planning our big wedding in July of that year.
Guess the cat's out of the bag now ;0)
We picked Jan. 19th because it was my sister's birthday, his best friend's birthday and another one of my friends' birthdays. I thought it would be cool to pick a date that was already important and memorable to us...I suppose out of sentimentality.
I just saw on FaceBook that it is also the birthday of the son of one of my best friends from junior high !!!
What a cool date !!!
Chuck usually doesn't remember that this is our "real" anniversary and is away working and probably to busy to think about anything else...that's ok though because he always remembers July 15th.
I remember that this was a great day 10 years ago!!! I'm very happy to have him in my life. The good ones are few and far between!
Happy "Real" Anniversary to my Honey!!!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
This Is It !
Apologies for being MIA.
Sorry I haven't posted for so long.
In my defense there was Thanksgiving travels, Christmas travels and then our computer graphics card went out rendering my computer completely useless until Chuck had the part sent to me and I fixed it all on my own...yes, very proud of myself !
But, because I originally started this thing with the intent to document & share my journey through the IVF process I don't feel that bad...took a break from IVF and took a break from my blog.
BUT...THIS IS IT FOLKS!!!
This morning at 7:30 a.m. my neighbor Emma (Chuck's out of town) gave me the first shot of my last ever round of In-Vitro!!! After 3 unsuccessful rounds since Evan, we feel like we shouldn't put my body, our family and our finances through this again after this one last try...No stress, NOPE, none at all.
I am really trying to be positive, relaxed and hopeful as I go into this...a very tall order when you know the course of your future hinges on the outcome of this process.
There's a lot more to say but because it's late and I'm so tired right now, I'm out...to return soon with lots more to say about this.
Goodnight.
Sorry I haven't posted for so long.
In my defense there was Thanksgiving travels, Christmas travels and then our computer graphics card went out rendering my computer completely useless until Chuck had the part sent to me and I fixed it all on my own...yes, very proud of myself !
But, because I originally started this thing with the intent to document & share my journey through the IVF process I don't feel that bad...took a break from IVF and took a break from my blog.
BUT...THIS IS IT FOLKS!!!
This morning at 7:30 a.m. my neighbor Emma (Chuck's out of town) gave me the first shot of my last ever round of In-Vitro!!! After 3 unsuccessful rounds since Evan, we feel like we shouldn't put my body, our family and our finances through this again after this one last try...No stress, NOPE, none at all.
I am really trying to be positive, relaxed and hopeful as I go into this...a very tall order when you know the course of your future hinges on the outcome of this process.
There's a lot more to say but because it's late and I'm so tired right now, I'm out...to return soon with lots more to say about this.
Goodnight.
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